Years ago I heard AAC Expert Caroline Musselwhite say, “Dance with the girl you came with” a metaphor I find myself repeating regularly in my role as an AAC consultant. It’s a funny but powerful reminder in the world of AAC decision-making: when a child arrives with a communication system—whether purchased by a parent, recommended by a family friend, or simply preferred by caregivers—it’s in everyone’s best interest to make it work. But too often, these parent-selected systems are dismissed without enough consideration, and this can have long-term consequences on family engagement and the child’s success with AAC.

The Importance of Parent Buy-In

One of the biggest challenges in AAC implementation isn’t the system itself—it’s ensuring that the system is used consistently, across environments, and with the support of all stakeholders. When parents have taken the initiative to seek out and invest in a system, they’ve already demonstrated a level of buy-in that is invaluable. Dismissing their choice, or immediately pivoting to a different device, risks undermining their confidence and making them feel like outsiders rather than partners in the decision-making process.

A better approach is to lean into their investment—both financially and emotionally—by asking:

• What about this system appealed to you?

• How do you envision it working for your child?

• What features do you find intuitive or useful?

• What challenges have you noticed so far?

These conversations provide critical insights—not just about the system itself, but about the family’s priorities, expectations, and existing knowledge of AAC.

Why Device Abandonment Isn’t Always a Device Issue

It’s easy to assume that if a child isn’t using a device, it must be the wrong one. But more often than not, device abandonment has less to do with the system and more to do with a lack of training, opportunity, or consistency in implementation. Many AAC devices and apps now mirror each other in features and capabilities—manufacturers are constantly refining their systems to match industry standards and user expectations.

So instead of immediately swapping devices, the better approach is to ask:

• Have we provided enough modeling and support?

• Do we need to adjust vocabulary organization or access settings?

• Are there environmental barriers limiting use?‍

With rare exceptions, a robust AAC system can be modified and adapted to better meet a child’s needs. The time spent making these modifications is often far more productive than starting over with an entirely new system, which can set the family back in terms of learning, confidence, and implementation.‍

Empowering Parents as Stakeholders

Parents who feel heard and valued are far more likely to stay engaged in the AAC process. When we take their input seriously—rather than dismissing it—we send the message that they are key members of the team, not just passive observers. This fosters a collaborative relationship that ultimately benefits the child.

Of course, there will be cases where a system truly isn’t the best fit. But before making that determination, we owe it to families to explore all avenues for success with their chosen device. By doing so, we reinforce their role as decision-makers, build trust, and increase the likelihood of long-term AAC success.

At the end of the day, the goal isn’t just to select the right AAC system—it’s to create an environment where that system is used meaningfully, consistently, and with the full support of the child’s team. And often, that starts with dancing with the girl you came with.

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